The Spy
by YumeNouveau
Summary: Remus knew it would happen eventually. That all the lies he'd told Sirius would come crashing down upon him. But he never imagined it would go over quite like this


"I know you're the spy."

Remus started, mouth agape, staring at Sirius whose back was turned as he uttered those horrifying words. The air felt suddenly suffocating, like Remus was laying in his own coffin, and the hairs on his arms rose in a fearful primal reaction. Very aware of his own nakedness, Remus sat up and pulled a sheet over his lap as he fought for breath.

"I...I'm no..." Remus began but was cut short.

"Please. Spare me."

Turning over his shoulder Sirius finally looked at him. Remus wished his wand wasn't so far away, in a pocket of his trousers, hastily thrown to the floor. With a small shudder he pulled the sheet tighter around his waist, as if it were a shield against that icy stare. Luckily, it seemed, Sirius was not in possession of his wand either as his hands were empty and the short floral silk robe he wore lacked pockets. Remus remembered telling Sirius mere hours before how hot he looked in it and how much he wanted him to wear the tantalizing garment the entire night. Now the memory made him shudder for a different reason. Sirius knew, had known, and yet they still had...

"How long have you known?" Remus said, straightening his back, regaining some semblance of control in this newly established chaos.

Initially Sirius didn't answer. Instead the other man looked him over, studied him, laid Remus bear with only his gaze. Remus simply stared back. Defiant. Unapologetic.

"Two weeks," Sirius finally said, watching Remus for a reaction. And react he did. They'd hooked up six times times within that fortnight. Twice at a club, once in the darkness of an alley, and three times here at Sirius' flat. How could Sirius do this, fuck him, hold him after and make plans to do so again knowing what he was?

"So what are you going to do with me?" Remus asked. He swallowed back the pain. Hell, he'd known from the start this couldn't be anything more than a mission. Get close to the Black heir. Learn his secrets. Report back. Yet of course he'd let himself imagine more. That this meant as much to him as to Sirius. That maybe these hurried couplings could possibly lead to something more, something a monster like him obviously didn't deserve. But fuck it had been nice while it lasted.

"It sounds cliche, but that really all depends on you," Sirius said with a small frown.

"Well what gave me away, if you don't mind me asking?" Remus curiosity was peaked. Sirius didn't seem hostile and this interrogation had taken a decidedly odd turn.

"Honestly, it was the fact that you never invited me back to your place. Which wasn't initially odd, but after the first month or two of shagging, I began to wonder where you lived." Sirius raked a hand through his long black hair and stretched his neck. "Then, I confess, I followed you. Caught sight of you with a known Death Eater, which, I know, doesn't make you one. But I had a friend follow you. When he said he turned up nothing, I was going to let it go but I saw you with her again. And I listened in. Interesting line of conversation you were having. About my best mate James and who might be his secret keeper."

Sirius walked toward the bed, all grace and long limbs, like a tiger stalking his prey. But though he felt like a cornered gazelle, Remus was held his ground even as Sirius knelt over him and leaned down.

"It was odd to overhear. I distinctly remember telling you how our mate Pete was to be James' secret keeper, he was the best choice since I was all too obvious. Yet instead you told my darling cousin Bella, a known Death Eater, that it was a man named Elias. A man who doesn't exist. Now why would you do that?" Sirius reached out a hand to stroke a long finger along Remus face. Fifteen minutes ago he would have found it sensual. Now it raised goosebumps along his flesh.

"Why do you think?" Remus asked, heart hammering in his naked chest. The scars upon his thin frame constricted and stretched as he attempted to control his shaking form, his hitched breathing. Sirius could easily strike him down, but Remus wasn't entirely sure the other man wanted to.

"Well you could just be dumb as a rock," Sirius grinned down, "But I think you knowingly gave false information. I think you don't want to hurt us. I think you want out. So tell me Remus, why did you do it?

Remus swallowed hard and relaxed slightly. He looked up at Sirius and hoped the other man could see the sincerity in his gaze. "I'm in love with you."

Sirius' mouth opened in shock.

"Sorry," Remus said, looking down at his hands, bunched up in a blanket still damp with sweat from their earlier activities. He knew Sirius shouldn't care. The man did not do relationships. Hell, Remus had been lucky to have more than a one night stand with him. The string of loosely gathered one-offs were more than he dared hope for when he learned of Sirius and his proclivities. Maybe that was why Bella had assigned him this mission in the first place. She knew he'd never be able to resist getting close to someone as beautiful and charismatic as Sirius. Oh how it had backfired.

"I didn't mean for it to happen. Just like I didn't mean to become a spy. But the Death Eaters took me in when my parents died when I was a child. They were the only ones that could give me a place to transform and Wolfsbane to ease the change during the full. This was what they asked in return. Gather intel. And I did, until I met you."

"It's a pathetic excuse, but until recently I never felt like I was doing anything wrong. At Durmstrang, I'd simply relay gossip from among the students. Who was dating, who got in fights, who hexed one another in the halls. It was after I graduated and returned home that they started wanting me to actually spy, to get close to their marks and relay information. Only then did I begin to question things, question which side I was on."

"So you were told to fuck me."

For the first time Sirius looked angry, not that Remus blamed him. If he'd been told the only reason the other man had slept with him was because he'd been told to, he'd be pissed off too.

"They wanted to know your sympathies. The Black Family would make a powerful ally, and with you being the last, well, they wanted to know how loyal you truly were to Dumbledore. Bella, as my contact, told me some of your activities, hoping I could use your interests to get close."

Sirius snorted. "'Get close,' were those her words?"

"They were. But she didn't tell me to let you fuck me," Remus said a bit defiantly. It was odd that he should retain any kind of pride after being revealed as a spy, yet he didn't want Sirius to think he'd simply sleep with whoever he was told to. That's not what this had been about, not in the slightest.

"So what, you'd be with me, listen for information, then give her false names when questioned? That's a dangerous game to play," Sirius sat back and regarded Remus. "Only a question of time till you were discovered."

"I've been looking for a way out long before I met you," Remus revealed. "So yes, I gave her names of Order members who didn't exist. But mostly I gave her hope. Hope that maybe your loyalty could be changed to align with her own."

"Now why would you do that? Especially knowing I plan nothing of the sort?" Sirius looked intrigued.

"Time," Remus said softly. "I just...just wanted more time."

"With me?"

Remus nodded.

Sirius sat back on his heels and regarded him intently. "I want to believe you."

"I know I've given you no reason to," Remus said sadly. "But if you'd just give me Veritaserum, I'll gladly…"

Sirius leaned forward and kissed him. It was slow, not a kiss of passion but one seaking answers, as if their feelings could cross the line of skin to skin. When he pulled back, Sirius looked Remus in the eye. "Why did you sleep with me?"

Swallowing, Remus felt his throat constrict. He had no idea what Sirius was looking to hear, but he'd continue to answer honestly and hope for the best.

"Because I couldn't resist you. When I first saw you Sirius...it was, well, like magic. I don't know how to explain it. You made me feel so whole. Stupid isn't it? I know romance isn't your thing."

"Is that what Bella told you? That I'm some sort of slut with an insatiable sex drive?" Sirius gave a hollow laugh. "For over the last two months I've only been with you."

"Oh." Remus didn't know what else to say. Sirius had stayed faithful to him. To them and whatever this strange string of hookups was. It had meant something apparently. His earlier question echoed in his head. "So now what?"

Sirius crawled forward on the bed, legs bracketing Remus' own beneath the bunched covers. There he settled, the warmth of his body nestled atop of Remus as strong arms enfolded him. Remus had never felt more safe in his entire life.

"Now you don't have to be alone any more."


End file.
